Toilet Humor

Now don't get scared off by the title of this post- keep reading and you'll understand. My day has seemed to revolve around toilets. I haven't been able to keep my two youngest away from them! Not that they have diarrhea or anything, but Jack and Maycie have decided that the toilet is their new favorite plaything. Now I don't want to get ahead of myself, so I'll begin at the beginning. It all started with garbage...

Maycie LOVES to play in the garbage. It's as if her sole purpose each day is to find the garbage cans in every room and empty them all over the floor. Then she plays in the mess until I catch her. Now don't be thinking that I don't pay attention to what my child is getting into, because I do- but that kid can crawl fast! It seems like I blink and she's found another one. I seriously clean up at least a half a dozen over-turned cans daily. Today started out like any other day- Maycie had already gotten into two different cans by noon. I was trying to get my hair and make-up done, and she wouldn't leave the bathroom garbage can alone. Or the bedroom one. Or the closet one (I have cans in every room and closet so my kids and husband don't have any excuse for dumping their trash wherever they feel like). I finally got sick of it and put all those cans up on my bed, hoping she'd then play with the toys that were all over my bedroom floor. It didn't work. I've decided that Maycie doesn't like most toys, so it's pointless to get them for her. Her birthday wish list will consist of her own cell phone, car keys, make-up items, and assorted electronic devices. Sounds like a teenager, huh? If that stuff is too expensive, just get her a sack full of garbage... Anyways, back to the story. When Maycie couldn't get the garbage, she ignored the toys and found a new plaything- the caps that cover the screws that bolt the toilet to the ground. Gross!!!
I tried to distract her, even offering up my own cell phone and watch, but those were no longer good enough. All she wanted were those dang caps, and she was doing whatever she could to get at them. So I did the only thing I could think of. Now I don't want to lose friends over this, but I was on a time frame and I had to have ten minutes to finish getting myself together! So I tied her up.
Yes, I put a belt around her waist and attached an elastic leash. Then I looped it over my bed post so she could still see me in the bathroom, and dumped an assortment of toys in front of her. That worked for about five minutes as the leash was new and interesting, until she tried to get to the toilet. She got stopped about a foot away, and that ticked her off royally. Now Maycie is already learning to throw a fit, and she let loose. She buried her face in the floor and wailed at the top of her lungs. That brought Jack in to see what was the matter. He laughed and said he thought Maycie looked like a puppy and could he have her as his pet. As I was unhooking her, I noticed Jack had something in his hand. I asked to see it but he hid it behind his back and held out the other hand, which contained his blue Bob-the builder pliers. Jack loves tools, and tries to "fix" all sorts of things. I asked him to show me the other hand, so he reluctantly held it out. In his fist was clenched the flusher to a toilet.
I told him to show me where he'd gotten it from, and he pointed to the guest bath. Then he ran to his secret spot behind a chair and produced another one, belonging to the mudroom bath. I had to laugh when he told me that he was just "fixing" them so the toilets would work better. We screwed the flushers back on and had a talk about how toilets wouldn't work without them, and if they got lost, we wouldn't be able to flush the poop. He said then our house would stink, so he agreed to leave them alone. Now if I could just get Maycie to leave the toilet caps alone. Oh, how I wish for the good ole' days when she was content to just play in the garbage... or maybe the days before she learned how to crawl. No, she's so much fun now that I wouldn't go back, and I love to think about what kind of shenanagins she'll get into when she's Jack's age.