Friday, September 4, 2009

Fine! I Give Up

Well, people, let me just say that I'm done. Yup, I've finally had it; my last straw has been officially pulled. I don't know what kind of evil hair my youngest child has with destroying my carpet, but it's there. You wouldn't guess it from looking at that princess loving, pretend tea party hosting, dolly toting, super cute and ultra angelic looking child, but I swear she plots new dastardly ways to ruin my carpet (and my mental state) before she gets out of her crib every morning. Her maniacal obsession started about four months ago- since then, she has dumped dish soap on the carpet (yes, the whole bottle), bubbles on the carpet (YES, the whole bottle), Pepto Bismol on the carpet (YES, the WHOLE bottle), and Elmer's glue on the carpet (YES, THE WHOLE BOTTLE!!), shall I keep going? Okay, I will. She's colored my carpet with markers, painted it with yogurt, smushed play-doh into it, and she likes to dump out bags of things like gold fish and cereal, CRUSH, GRIND, and SMASH them into tiny crumbs, then dance their remains into the carpet!! Are you getting a nice visual here? My personal favorite was the time she glue-sticked her little block books to her bedroom carpet. Can you just see me walking into her bedroom to pick up those books that were all over the floor, just to discover that they WOULDN'T PICK UP?! I won't even mention the DAILY routine of mopping up the water and chocolate milk she dumps ONLY on the carpet, or the time I took off her pull-ups and told her to go sit on the potty. She gave me her evil look, and I knew. She bolted for the living room with me chasing her, but I couldn't get to her in time before she squatted and peed right on a perfect piece of freshly vacuumed carpet. Well, last night was it. She finally broke me. I was frantically trying to help the kids with last-minute homework and get them fed before bedtime when I realized it was too quiet. You know that kind of too quiet where you get a sick feeling deep down in the pit of your stomach and the Twilight Zone theme song plays on repeat in your mind? Well, it was that kind of too quiet. I sent my older kids to find out what she was up too, only to hear #%@*$^!!! (That isn't a swear word, it's my youngest child's name being yelled out at the top of a person's lungs- I just disguised it to protect her identity from all the blatant slandering I'm doing of her good name here). So anyways, I run downstairs to see- yet not wanting to see- what the problem was. I came upon a scene of my oldest daughter trying to wipe the horrifying evidence off the feet of my youngest daughter. Hot pinkish red nail polish was all over her! But not only was it all over her, you guessed it- the rest of the bottle was dumped ALL OVER THE CARPET!!! Oh, no- there goes the last shred of my already too fragile sanity. Well, there was nothing to do but try to clean it up. I couldn't even cry this time- I was just too numb from it all. I had the pretty little heathen confined to her crib, then got to work. After an hour of working at it, I still couldn't get the spots all out, and my house STILL smells like paint thinner! All I could think was "why couldn't she make the mess in the bathroom on the tile or rug, that would be the preferred spot for a NORMAL person... WHY the CARPET?!" That's really all the evidence anyone needs to deduce what I myself have already concluded- she's out to get my carpet. I'm scared to think of what's next (like glue and paint aren't bad enough)? I wish she would remember all this when she was older so I could ask her my one burning question- WHY?!?!

P.S. For those of you thinking "Why doesn't she watch that child better, or keep that stuff up where she can't reach it?" I do. And if you still don't believe me, I'll let you tend her for a day. That kid can climb up and get to anything! She plots and waits for perfect opportunities when I get busy for just a minute, and that's all she needs to wreak havoc and destruction. I can't even restrain her- she's like a miniature Houdini and can get out of any restraint system (except I haven't been brave enough yet to try the duct tape). And it's not just carpet- I'm beginning to think she has it in for my walls, too...

6 comments:

Angie said...

You crack me up! It is hard to imagine that sweet little thing giving you so much trouble. You make me glad that Jonah's only mission in life is to escape the house.

Melissa O said...

Oh my heck that is the funniest story ever. You know what...I was thinking the same thing about my kids the other day. Let's be honest ryan and I opted for the lower priced carpet and in about 3 more years I get to replace it. I have pink spots all over in the front room and red spots downstairs and black spots. UGH ITs everywhere. What are these spots from. Reese, Camryn, Gabe, and Gavon. Luckily Morgan hasn't gotten to that age yet, because her name will be in there too I'm sure. When you get older and look back it won't seem that bad, but when you are in the thick of it nothing seems worse. I luv ya to death and I will come scrub walls and carpet any time you need.

Cameron and Selina said...

Oh wow...she is so innocent! Maybe, on second though, I'll let your mom keep her the entire time you are gone and just go play with her over there - that way she can ruin her carpet! She's already patching the walls.....

Andrew and Lyndsey Richardson said...

Oh little Maycie! She warms my heart and makes me feel so much better about my crazy boys! I miss that little troublemaker!

Melissa said...

Fabulous. She's like a perfect little, carpet destroying, toy!

Melissa said...

and I meant that in a "she is fabulously hilarious and adorable" way. Cute little toy that she is!